i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The best revenge is premature balding
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
