Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
