I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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