girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
