dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
