i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
