I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize