she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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