So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
wow bdsm is so cute
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