Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
