craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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