I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
