Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
