she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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