Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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