There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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