You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
