Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
smell my finger.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats