i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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