Already got asked if we're dating
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
