even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
