he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ketchup is God's man juice
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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