He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
