I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
