brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
