Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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