Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
