remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
