Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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