Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
