dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just puked most of my soul out..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
