halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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