I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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