What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
