Taylor Swift is so right about you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
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at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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