Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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