Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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