Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
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I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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