You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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