you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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