my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
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my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
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you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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