we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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