I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
