We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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