oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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