So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
