Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
