thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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