anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
