Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
