How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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