I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's shark week go big or go home
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no