Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.

  (972): View more from Texas

  I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had. (972): I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes. http://tfl.nu/y4qf
  Replies (13) Good night (2358) Bad night (640)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.

  (585): View more from New York

  Aren't divorce parties fun?

  (1-585): View more from New York

  You and I have very different definitions of fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow. (585): Aren't divorce parties fun? (1-585): You and I have very different definitions of fun. http://tfl.nu/2zlr
  Replies (5) Good night (1099) Bad night (2787)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side? http://tfl.nu/sml7
  Replies (97) Good night (1004) Bad night (2574)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He likes Jesus. Game over.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): He likes Jesus. Game over. (804): Oooh wait, he just told me he was high. http://tfl.nu/lcdj
  Replies (14) Good night (4944) Bad night (1527)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow http://tfl.nu/50w2
  Replies (14) Good night (1957) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest. http://tfl.nu/l8w8
  Replies (10) Good night (1543) Bad night (2253)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof http://tfl.nu/eyc5
  Replies (7) Good night (2601) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper. http://tfl.nu/3zpi
  Replies (10) Good night (1510) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night http://tfl.nu/lkdl
  Replies (4) Good night (1599) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers http://tfl.nu/krcd
  Replies (7) Good night (1524) Bad night (639)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars. http://tfl.nu/bno3
  Replies (9) Good night (1811) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal? http://tfl.nu/lpf5
  Replies (14) Good night (751) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?

  (1-830): View more from Texas

  Jeans and a nice top.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law? (1-830): Jeans and a nice top. http://tfl.nu/z19e
  Replies (4) Good night (790) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk? http://tfl.nu/j1yp
  Replies (2) Good night (1256) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid http://tfl.nu/kpi9
  Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (212)

Randomize