Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat