Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me

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(305): View more from Florida

you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store

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(515): View more from Iowa

Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex

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(702): View more from Nevada

i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(310): View more from California

She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.

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(567): View more from Ohio

For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.

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(951): View more from California

Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.

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(305): View more from Florida

It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no

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