Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.