Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.