1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name