I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
