just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"