I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
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somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.