I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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