Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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