walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
