We won't sleep together?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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