Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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