we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
