please come you make the beer taste better
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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