just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
