Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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