you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
