90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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Speaking is such a hard concept right now
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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