does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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