if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
