I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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