I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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