I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My hand turned me down
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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