Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
