barbara walters just said penis...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
is wine microwaveable?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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