miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
