are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
