how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
